MyGiftedLife.org

** This thread discusses the Content article: Tips for Helping Gifted, Highly Sensitive Teens & Kids Cope with Trauma **

I did not see emphasis on the isolation/exclusion experienced by gifted kids. Additionally, I think some work should be devoted to the possibility that the "over-reaction" accusation from family and peers may contribute further to feeling so different from everyone else.

Such experiences as you describe often change kids and adults forever; qualitative
leaps may have taken place so welcoming the reactions into the individual's sanctum and making peace or growing to accept or even learn from them may be as if not more important than rebalancing your bicycle or dropping the pencil or yielding to the defeat emotions will deal you much as the incoming tide; these would be cognitive responses and are oil in the water of emotion.

How does one feel about these increasingly well defined feelings? How does one feel about oneself having such feelings? How does this fit into what you already thought or felt about yourself? Do you find yourself wishing not to feel as you do? What about other people? How might they react? How much do you want them to know? Do you control how much others know of your feelings even tho' you don't feel in control of the feelings themselves?

Breathing is great especially if extended into focus on the breath and practicing noticing the wrenching experience approaching and letting it go on by like a floating cloud. This is a gentle dealing with the shock and pain within oneself and what is treatment about anyway if not developing self-knowledge and acceptance despite the inability to change oneself fundamentally? And even as experience grows, accumulates, overwhelms and pains one? Developing tolerance is the strength.

And creativity itself is not the ingredient to (?) it is creative expression. If it can't come out in its created form, there is no release and no certainty of the quality or form of this energy.

Im one of those vicariously woundable people and just the term "scraps" hurts me and preceeds my fantasy of being relegated to the scrap heap...thrown away, unwanted, useless. "Recycled" is more fitting and a lot more cheery, don't you think?

I hope this feedback is of positive use to you from one of those people who was once one of those children; I went on so long due to a vicarious identification with your unseen gifties. And it brought up lots of my ancient pain too so please, read it in the spirit in which it is intended and for which it is not without cost.

I'd just like to say a little word to parents out there. If your kid is clearly upset by something, whatever you do, please don't belittle your son/daughter's feelings and tell them that he/she is just "being silly". This only teaches the child not to trust or listen to the way he/she is feeling, and to accept other people's assessment of the situation over his/her own observation.

I wonder how many adults who are emotionally illiterate, who struggle to make progress in therapy or spiritual enlightenment practices because they can't identify how they are feeling, had their emotions or feelings of upset constantly belittled this way by their own parents.

I'm going to go out on a limb and beg to differ.

Im one of those vicariously woundable people and just the term "scraps" hurts me and preceeds my fantasy of being relegated to the scrap heap...thrown away, unwanted, useless. "Recycled" is more fitting and a lot more cheery, don't you think?

It's not the word scrap that hurts you, it's what your mind conjures up when you hear the word that hurts you.

Scraps can refer to a lot of things. My primary association, being fond of the Buddhist tradition, is that of old Buddhist robes, which were made of scraps of fabric. There is a story I can no longer find of a teacher, perhaps the Buddha himself, borrowing another monk's robe to use as a sitting cushion. The monk is embarrassed by his patchwork robe, but the teacher comments that it is well-worn and soft.

We could argue all day long about what Sharon should call herself, but in the end, it's her choice, and the word only has power over you if you give it such. Personally, I prefer "scrap" to "recycling", as the former conjures up fabric and leather for me, and the latter seems mechanical and therefore less appealing.

"Potential" is a neutral word that can conjure up associations for me that aren't pleasant, but I know that, and I know that it's me, my brain, that's doing that to my/itself. It's a legacy of my childhood that is no more than a mental hiccup.

As you suggest yourself, it is merely a fantasy that you'll be relegated to the scrap heap. You know it's not reality.

Emotion coaching our children is something that is not a standard parenting practice, but it should be. It's good for both the parent and the child to know how to deal with intense emotions.

My daughter isn't a teen, but 5.5. She's not had trauma, but she's overly anxious anyway. She also has selective mutism. We both are highly sensitive/overexcitable and I'm pretty certain she's highly gifted (based on assessments she's been given over the last year).

I work on emotion coaching her through picture stories. I created a kids' problem solving binder and blogged about it with links so that other parents can come up something useful of their own.

In case it might helps someone with younger kids (though one of the links is appropriate for 6-12 year olds):

growinginpeace.wordpress.com/2008/10/31/...blem-solving-binder/

It's hard being highly sensitive. It's worsened by lack of sleep, lack of good food (usually protein-rich foods to slow the digestion of carbohydrates), not enough exercise or sunshine/fresh air. Calcium/magnesium supplements are also helpful because they calm the body down from the inside out. Often, it's magnesium deficiencies contribute to depression.

I don't know what's in store for her. I'm hoping by working on things now, we won't ever have extreme issues when she's a teen. But then again, I'm pretty sure she will have to deal with over-sensitivities to the hormones when she's in puberty. It would not surprise me if they affect her more deeply.

Just throwing this out there in case it would help someone else.

Another part of emotional coaching is identifying emotion. Emotions are messy things which when very strong can spill over into other feelings. Children especially can have trouble identifying how they feel and why -- and what they can do about it.

There's a training mantra that works for emotions as well "Identify, THEN operate". In other words, don't touch the controls if you don't know what they do -- well, the emotional application is not to go reacting wildly if you can help it until you know what you are feeling and how you can express it. I learned this application of the mantra in the Navigator course I took several years ago, and I will probably be working on this concept for the rest of my life.

Emotions don't usually come singly, either. Two or three come together and blur, masking themselves. You think you've dealt with the sadness and then find yourself still feeling some anger that was underlying it. Taking time to explore your feelings is important -- and admittedly one of my weak points. I still have trouble determining how I feel (or sometimes if) about things. But I'm working on it.

It may seem odd to many people that you can feel something so strongly that every nerve in your body screams and you can't breathe, and yet you can't describe it. When I was a child I did a lot of damage to inanimate objects for things that I couldn't express. I could wish that I had more help in this area back then.