MyGiftedLife.org

sciencemama wrote:
I still require a lot of intellectual stimulation and more importantly respectful FEEDBACK for my thoughts).

--I really appreciate your honesty and ability to articulate this complex subject, sciencemama (and of course thanks to Icon for starting the thread!)

Sooner rather than later I have to pull the plug on my participation in groups/relationships where blandness reigns supreme (like the equivalent of a khaki Dockers-and-plain blue button-down mind...where any evidence of thinking outside the box/the grey cubicle/middle-class suburbia sets off alarm systems...)

One of the things I realized about my former marriage is that I need to be with someone who will *sing along with me* in the car (for example,) instead of throwing a control-freak, mini-fit of pique whenever I display depths of passion or talent which he can't share.

I totally agree w/you on respectful feedback as a criteria for any kind of elective long-term relationship--and for me, that includes respect for my feelings...(Why should we even have to specifically articulate that?? ) Better yet, why do some think that relationships work well *without* respect, or rather with the dominant/submissive paradigm...(Rhetorical question of course.)


Because my intellectual OEs and emotional OEs were stimulated, I also found my sensual OEs increasing as well (I was feeling so "high" in the intellectual/emotional area and so it bled over to the sensual area as well). I found that I was craving more physical touch with my husband too.

--Well you're a braver woman than I to admit it in a forum, LOL. But yeah...people wonder why (to quote BB King) "The Thrill Is Gone" from intimate relationships which are no longer intimate in the intellectual/emotional sense! DUH! It is also said that for women, stimulation is *mostly* centered in the mind and emotions.

I suspect that this is one key reason why, for the Mundane Mainstream, stimulating thoughts and feelings are so often discouraged or avoided... Intensity might lead to spiritedness, creativity, activity as opposed to passivity...even to change in the status quo--heaven forbid...LOL. Certainly it's said that people are easier to control if they're passive and miserable, etc.


It's really a frustrating feeling to not have an outlet for the full range of feelings. While I don't like feeling totally miserable at the time I'm feeling miserable, I realize it is far better to go to the depths of despair and the heights of elation than to live life emotionally one sided.

--And this is part of what drives so many people to forums, ha ha--So many First World societies have been conditioned to believe that feeling "bad" etc. is shameful or somehow maladaptive

No doubt there are times and places for Game Faces, but when that Fake Face becomes Priority No. 1, we cannot help but lose our authentic selves. How, then can we live with integrity and authenticity...?

[i]I'm a part of a gentle parenting board that encourages parents to adopt the mantra "happy is not the only acceptable emotion". It helps to keep that in mind when parenting kids and for our own emotional states.[/quote[/i]]

--JMHO that for most people, others' negative emotions are mostly an irritating inconvenience...It takes time and energy to roll with someone else's emotions in the moment, as any caregiver knows. Although I know that one aspect of maturity is the ability to defer "letting go" of emotional control until the appropriate time and place, there is also the danger of *never* letting go--if it comes to be seen that the negative emotions are, in themselves, inappropriate--as opposed to the way, place, or time, in which they are expressed being more or less beneficial.

spiritj wrote:
sciencemama wrote:
I still require a lot of intellectual stimulation and more importantly respectful FEEDBACK for my thoughts).

--I really appreciate your honesty and ability to articulate this complex subject, sciencemama (and of course thanks to Icon for starting the thread!)

I find that honesty has served me well and I'm willing to take calculated risks as to when I feel my honesty would be appreciated. I feel the MGL members so far have proven to be well receptive to honesty. Besides there is so much more opportunity for others to come forward and express themselves a little more fully and we all benefit from seeing that we aren't alone in our perceptions

Sooner rather than later I have to pull the plug on my participation in groups/relationships where blandness reigns supreme (like the equivalent of a khaki Dockers-and-plain blue button-down mind...where any evidence of thinking outside the box/the grey cubicle/middle-class suburbia sets off alarm systems...)

I find this to be sad, but all too true. I've pulled back considerably on unfruitful friendships
One of the things I realized about my former marriage is that I need to be with someone who will *sing along with me* in the car (for example,) instead of throwing a control-freak, mini-fit of pique whenever I display depths of passion or talent which he can't share.

I love this. I decided to go out with my dh way back when because of his enthusiastic rendition of "Baby Got Back" way back in the 90s. His ability to sing aloud, impersonate movie characters and be silly drew me to him. I must say though I simply had to draw the line when he started talking like Karl from Sling Blade during some very intimate moments. I could not continue with it until he stopped.

I totally agree w/you on respectful feedback as a criteria for any kind of elective long-term relationship--and for me, that includes respect for my feelings...(Why should we even have to specifically articulate that?? ) Better yet, why do some think that relationships work well *without* respect, or rather with the dominant/submissive paradigm...(Rhetorical question of course.)


Because my intellectual OEs and emotional OEs were stimulated, I also found my sensual OEs increasing as well (I was feeling so "high" in the intellectual/emotional area and so it bled over to the sensual area as well). I found that I was craving more physical touch with my husband too.

--Well you're a braver woman than I to admit it in a forum, LOL. But yeah...people wonder why (to quote BB King) "The Thrill Is Gone" from intimate relationships which are no longer intimate in the intellectual/emotional sense! DUH! It is also said that for women, stimulation is *mostly* centered in the mind and emotions.

It has less to do about bravery and simply how I need to operate. I can't learn unless I am honest and present what I feel is important to me accurately to see what kind of feedback it elicits. Besides, I used to testify against some really slimy defense attorneys so nobody in a forum could ever make me feel that uncomfortable.

See, I find candor about ALL aspects of OEs to be important. I really don't have any clue what anyone else feels about certain things unless I ask difficult questions

I suspect that this is one key reason why, for the Mundane Mainstream, stimulating thoughts and feelings are so often discouraged or avoided... Intensity might lead to spiritedness, creativity, activity as opposed to passivity...even to change in the status quo--heaven forbid...LOL. Certainly it's said that people are easier to control if they're passive and miserable, etc.

I agree completely

It's really a frustrating feeling to not have an outlet for the full range of feelings. While I don't like feeling totally miserable at the time I'm feeling miserable, I realize it is far better to go to the depths of despair and the heights of elation than to live life emotionally one sided.

--And this is part of what drives so many people to forums, ha ha--So many First World societies have been conditioned to believe that feeling "bad" etc. is shameful or somehow maladaptive

Yep. I prefer forums because I can be who I am here and people still like me and want to hang around with me

No doubt there are times and places for Game Faces, but when that Fake Face becomes Priority No. 1, we cannot help but lose our authentic selves. How, then can we live with integrity and authenticity...?

I can't live unauthentically. I wouldn't even know how to fake it. I'm not a good actress that way. I've never dumbed down, allowed too much oppression from my family, or for that matter pretended to be smarter than I am.

[i]I'm a part of a gentle parenting board that encourages parents to adopt the mantra "happy is not the only acceptable emotion". It helps to keep that in mind when parenting kids and for our own emotional states.[/quote[/i]]

--JMHO that for most people, others' negative emotions are mostly an irritating inconvenience...It takes time and energy to roll with someone else's emotions in the moment, as any caregiver knows. And for as much as I know NOW, it was hard for a while and I still find this hard. I'm learning though. It's harder to accept my dh's negative emotions because I lived with an stone-walling, alcholic step-father. It's hard to see dh come home stressed and on edge and hard not to take it personally. We both are working on that Although I know that one aspect of maturity is the ability to defer "letting go" of emotional control until the appropriate time and place, there is also the danger of *never* letting go--if it comes to be seen that the negative emotions are, in themselves, inappropriate--as opposed to the way, place, or time, in which they are expressed being more or less beneficial.

Thanks so much for the input on this topic. It is good to thresh this out with others.