MyGiftedLife.org

Wow Lisa. You are amazing and inspiring. What a great list.
Read www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10495.aspx

Great list, Lisa!
Oh great. Now I have to go rethink just how much more complicated I am!

Additions:

A deep passion for language, especially word origins and play with words: anagrams, crosswords, literary devices, etc.

Extensive use of analogies and metaphors (often not understood by others)

Simplification of the complex as well as embellishment of the simple: appreciation for chaos as well as order and a desire to put chaotic factors to work for good causes -- use of a lesser evil for a greater good is seen as acceptible, and this includes imagining evil in order to defeat it.

Can employ making an assumption to solve problems.

A distinct and subtle sense of humour with a quite wit (also often not understood by others). Slapstick and insult "comedy" is often offensive. Since what is funny depends on surprise, or at least getting the better of someone else, there may be little or no reaction or a tendency to grin (or grimace) more than bellylaugh. Irony, sarcasm, "dark humour" and puns are part and parcel of the humour arsenal, as are spontaneous sight gags.

There is a finer appreciation for tragedy, the film noir. I figure this is due to looking reality in the maw and accepting the fact that bad stuff can and does happen and that we can be powerless to prevent it. (Less likely to fall for the Fundamental Attribution Error).

Genres favoured are science fiction, fantasy, gothic horror (if it's more plot than gore) and political satire, but not usually exclusively.

According to my own theory, which is based on research, a tendency to move the mind through time while preferring to keep a stable environment under control (in order to do it). "Then" includes appreciation for both the lessons of the past as well as the value of extrapolating into the distant future. Foresight and hindsight. Imagination and fantasy are problem-solving activities related to "then". Seldom in the now when work-thinking, but highly observant when opening the mind to environmental information. More tendency to treat each new case individually and not to rely on heuristics. (This is contrary to the norm, which seems to be to move the environment (by moving the body) while keeping the mind still, stuck in the now, and ruled by heuristics.)

Disillusionment with organizational management seems to increase with age.

Synthesis of ideas from a wide knowledge base.

An ability to judge fairly, without being naturally and habitually judgemental (except perhaps of self); others often disappoint, however.

A clarification about accepting criticism: To be useful, it must be constructive, given so as not to embarrass, and come from a respected peer or mentor. Most unasked-for criticism comes from non-peers looking for attention or wanting to contribute. The opinion of one is only one opinion.

Genres favoured are science fiction, fantasy, gothic horror (if it's more plot than gore) and political satire, but not usually exclusively.

Really? I seldom read fiction at all. I would think there would be a preference for literary fiction that transcends genre, and perhaps a disdain for basic genre fiction. Genre implies formula/convention and potential lack of depth.

I can't tell you what ties together the works of fiction I've enjoyed, except perhaps the intelligence of the writer, and the planets squaring whatever moons. I just picked up a copy of The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, which I remember enjoying as a teenager.

Really? I seldom read fiction at all. I would think there would be a preference for literary fiction that transcends genre, and perhaps a disdain for basic genre fiction. Genre implies formula/convention and potential lack of depth.

Okay, yes... I clarify myself: if a genre must be chosen for fiction, it tends to be of the more imaginative types, which would have the most freedom from constraints. Overall, I also prefer nonfiction, and that would be the preference in reading material. Most gifties I've met also prefer nonfiction, many almost exclusively so.

When it comes to film or game, the same applies. Also, there is a penchant for intergenre plots, too. An example that comes to mind is the roleplaying game Call of Cthulhu produced by Chaosium. It's science fiction, fantasy, mystery and horror wrapped up in one. Unlike Dungeons & Dragons, you're using your mind to solve and fight an unbeatable foe -- and the cost for dabbling with it is the loss of your sanity (in game time of course!). It's not a game for anyone who gets high off "bash and kill" because you have to know when to run away. It's also a fight against evil, in which it is very unusual that a player turns to the dark side of his/her own free will, because the time period centres, but is not confined to, the pulp fiction era (Victorian to pre-WWI), a more "innocent" and "wholesome" time by most people's reckoning. Again... travelling through time with one's mind.

When it comes to mystery fiction though, gifted people are often let down: either there isn't enough information given to allow the reader to solve the case (as in Doyle's Sherlock Holmes), or the plot isn't convoluted enough to be much of a challenge once past the first third to half of the story (as in Agatha Christie's stories). Similarly in games, a giftie would be repelled by a game that was all chance (like bingo) unless they could play with the odds (as in poker); similarly, all skill (like chess) might become too inorganic for its constraint to rules, making it too predictable. The best games for gifties will marry deep thinking skills with probabilities.

Also, when it comes to mystery and horror, a giftie might be repelled by the gore if (s)he's not prepared to desensitize for the experience. When prepared, there's a fascination with the darker side of human nature -- not that we'd go there ourselves, but it's a curiosity that sets us apart as more weird than those less curious. Showing that side has social risk, so usually we don't -- for fear of being misunderstood as being pro-dark (which we very probably aren't, despite the stereotypes of mad evil geniuses in fiction everywhere that villifies gifted people to the suspicious public). Fascination does not equal condoning, but the public often sees it that way, nevertheless.

Hi Sharon,

I've also been ambivalent about the legacy from my female relatives; as well as any fake displays of sappy emotion--particularly of the sort you mentioned in many greeting cards! (Another relentless Winnower-of-Verse here, who refuses to send a card bearing insincere sentiment. Displays of *truly* sappy emotion might be allowed, however, depending on the circumstance, LOL.

The holiday observance that irked me was the Wedding Anniversary Celebration of People With Horrible Marriages. They're basically co-dependent, so they deserve a pat on the back for stunting each other's growth, etc. for how many decades?....Wha....?

If I was really ticked off at someone, I might not bother to remember the socially-appointed days, because I either couldn't work up an honestly positive tone; or take the chance that well-wishes might be wrongly interpreted as an encouragement for continued poor behavior. Free internet cards certainly help, as they exist at every emotional extreme or lack thereof; and also require comparatively less effort/cost than a paper card.

The thing is, I really know how to make a person feel special, unique and valued if I want to (i.e. pointedly personal gifts; parties; surprises; other special consideration, etc.) But why waste it on people who neither deserve it nor reciprocate? Ideally, personal adult relationships are a 2-way street; as opposed to being either parasitical or exploitative.

Maybe the difficulty with negotiating the parent-child relationship, in particular, is how to transition beyond being either a perpetual life-draining parasite, or host-victim. Having moved well into my own middle-age, I now find myself more intolerant of over-bearing, controlling women of my Mother or Grandmother's generation.

Yes, they doubtlessly have an endless list of legitimate complaints. If I live several more years, I'll get my own opportunity to deal with menopause--and I daresay some of those close to me will be able to judge for themselves how I'm coping. I'd like to think that I might still retain the ability to consider my audience--as opposed to habitually dumping or acting out on the nearest target, seemingly without concern for potential consequences.

It would be nice to think that I could find the time and serenity to meditate or read a book when the urge hit to chew the most proximate heads off; and/or turn into a wobbly-throwing git. With any luck, I hope that hormonally-altered perception will not induce feelings of entitlement to "Go Postal," and stay there--but we'll just have to wait and see, LOL.

I guess most of us have to live with the knowledge that we have performed however imperfectly in our assigned roles; but I think it does make a difference to know that one has truly done the best that one could have under the circumstances. Knowing this may make it easier to forgive either ourselves or other people for "lapses"; and also to find pride and/or love in what we *did* accomplish as parents, given the wide array of challenges we face--particularly as women.

I tend to ignore Mother's Day now that my mother is dead. Not because it revives pain, but because it was only ever an opportunity for her to hold court. It was like a Queen's birthday for my mother, because she wielded her motherhood as a position of power. I don't think I quite ever understood that until she was gone.

My mother was overbearing, caustic and damn it, usually right, which made it much worse. I learned she was human because I saw her in moments of weakness in my early adulthood. Since she [who is obeyed] was always an outward rock, this did shake up my world. I just wish I'd caught her actually being fallible. It would have made things easier when she demonstrated some signs of dementia (secondary to her illness) near the end. My God, that was more of a blow than knowing she would die.

Anyway, the matriarchal line of my family was like that -- made up of hard, brittle women who eventually broke at the end. My grandmother, aunts, all of that same type of character: tough northerners who'd lived through wartime economies, etc.

Family events, anyway, I can't help but agree with you spiritj. It depended to me on whether there was something to celebrate or whether we were just being hypocritical or, in the case of my mother, dutiful supplicants hoping for continued Sunday dinners.

I wonder if my family was actually less or possibly more dysfunctional because of my refusing to conform to the family holiday conventions.

Yes, it is politically incorrect to acknowledge Holiday Ambivalence in the presence of those for whom they are sacred pageants of social control, instead of joyful celebrations...

In some quarters I think geographic mobility/time pressure has meant that some folks have had to learn to compromise--they just will not be able to have their offspring/grandchildren in attendance for the duration of every weekend or holiday.

Icon, I totally concur with the phrase "holding court." If they are capable of taking turns--to more or less reverse roles on other people's "territory" then I can deal a few times a year. But when the people in question seem to think they're entitled to supplication (to use your word) in every context--including events hosted by *other people* then it gets old fast. When people can't let go of family roles that others may no longer be interested in perpetuating, it's time to scale back participation in family dramas to cameo appearances, IMHO.

A funny thing happens among one segment of my gifted *and* attention-seeking relatives. They are all so good-looking, articulate, interesting, charismatic, etc. that half the time there Too Many Cooks (or shall I say Too Many Divas), LOL. When feeling threatened or left out, the older ones engage in either commanding or excluding behavior. The adolescent ones resent this and are bored gormless, so amuse themselves by developing conversations which the Oldies find irritating and/or beyond their comprehension.

Don't get me wrong, I like trading gifts and food as much as the next person, but I don't care for all the Control Dramas attached to the protocol. My world continues to revolve if people have other things to do, because thankfully I've been able to broaden my social scope.

n some cultures there is a Home Visit Protocol--if invited home for a meal, expect to stay for several hours, or be considered rude. OK, I don't mind visiting or staying for the duration if my presence seems to be appreciated. But if my hosts almost exclusively talk about themselves; or disappear into the kitchen (or into the television); then I need find something else to do (sometimes immediately--ha ha.)

I've learned to go into those potential quagmires with a backup plan--sometimes I even warn the host in advance that I might be doing X activity after the event, so if I need to go I just excuse myself. The Matri/Patri-archs might raise hell/pout the first few times, but after they realize manipulation isn't going to make their company any more attractive, and you're too old to be grounded, they'll adjust.

If you're too old to rewind back into childhood just to give Mummy and Daddy a sense of control, in many cases they can be given the opportunity to have other people meet some of their companionship/stimulation needs (assuming they're well enough to circulate.)

Unfortunately, for many folks, the Role-Playing, orchestration and performance are everything. To refuse to play along, or to applaud in all the right places, can provide an excuse for yet further-heightened levels of Drama.

I really must avoid people who assume entitlement to my company; or whose own behavior makes them routinely difficult to spend time with.

I found that the source of my mother's control over us was in direct relationship to her own father's controlling nature. In our family, he (or she) who holds the purse strings holds the power. And both used threat of removal of said financial aid in direct response to any uprisings among the 5 of us. We lived in fear of the proverbial poorhouse, because we were conditioned to believe we'd never make it in life without their monetary help. They expertly emotionally crippled all 5 of us for a while but mostly my older 2 sisters and I. My oldest sister was following in my mother's footsteps. I was abused by her as much as my mother too for the longest time, but she eventually got her comeuppance.

The conditioning began early for me, and they used manipulation, coercion, threats of calling the police, threats of having us (or more specifically ME) institutionalized for dissension. It was subtle at times, overt at others. It was brutal always. My mother refused to let me to go away to college, even though I'd been accepted to very decent universities (University of Chicago was one of them) feeling she couldn't trust me to be serious enough to study. She just wanted me to be under her roof where she could control what I did. I learned how to fight back and survive.

I fought back hard from the ages of 18-24, clawing and scraping my way out of the oppression. I ran away once at 18, came back with my tail between my legs. Moved out again at 22 into the parents of my boyfriend's home (he was in the armed forces at the time), moved back in 2 months later with my tail between my legs to finish college, but not before my grandfather wrote me a nasty letter telling me how incorrigible I was, how ungrateful I was and how I was going to be written out of the family. Finally moved out when I was 24, having completed my degree and having obtained a "real" job.

My grandfather had since mellowed in the 10 years since he wrote that letter (fortunately) and then died, also succumbing to a weird dementia in the week before he died. My mother changed too for the better. I don't think it was just because she came out of menopause (though it was the worst when that happened).

My mother also mellowed too over the years, and especially so since my grandfather died. Since I didn't walk away the family and managed to keep ties cordial, I have benefited somewhat since then (I think which somewhat makes up for the emotional abuse).

Despite the abuse I put up with, I don't think I'd be half of who I am today had it not be from sharpening my analytical skills and psychoanalytical skills trying to figure out all the mind games they played. I do credit them for the role in shaping me to be more compassionate (because they lacked compassion) and looking beyond the surface to find out why people do the things the way they do.

Generally speaking, I don't do store bought cards for family members and most people know that. I do give gifts, but not anything sentimental. I reserve those for friends and my children and husband.

Anyway, gotta run to pick up my kids.

Have you heard the research that indicates positive thinking actually makes bad moods worse for many people?

network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/fppost...self-help-books.aspx

I, too, prefer to be happy when happy, and sad when sad. When I am happy, it's the real deal. Sometimes I even squeak (honest to God). I get little-kid happy. If it were socially acceptable for adults to twirl, I would.

And sometimes melancholy feels really good, when you're listening to sad songs and they almost (or do) make you cry.

I knew I wasn't alone in this, but it feels better KNOWING I'm not alone.

The post was prompted by another deluge from yet another guru on Twitter suggesting that people use CBT techniques [not labeled as such] to make sure they stay happy, because happiness is the key to fame, fortune and wellbeing. Some of those people are downright dangerous.

Nah. Look into folks like Mark Epstein (Buddhist psychotherapist) and the argument is for learning to hold emotions, not getting rid of them.

Let's face it, discomfort (in appropriate doses) prompts us to move and change. Pain is the body's way of saying "pull your hand away." It's only in extreme situations like clinical depression and the pain syndromes that these ordinarily healthy feelings become unhealthy.

barefootwriter wrote:
Nah. Look into folks like Mark Epstein (Buddhist psychotherapist) and the argument is for learning to hold emotions, not getting rid of them.

Let's face it, discomfort (in appropriate doses) prompts us to move and change. Pain is the body's way of saying "pull your hand away." It's only in extreme situations like clinical depression and the pain syndromes that these ordinarily healthy feelings become unhealthy.

I have to agree with this. Our culture places this high value on 'happiness', ensuring that people will always hamster wheel through relationships, jobs, etc in hopes of attaining enough physical / material / financial appeal to guarentee this happy life. But in my own experience, some of the greatest eye opening times in my life have been when I was at my worst. Given, as you said that when your worst is your default setting you really need to seek outside guidance, but feeling bad has helped me probe deeper into why I was feeling that way, and has helped to give me a set of goals and values outside the realm of mainstream promises.

It's interesting that I should read this today. I have been thinking of this very thing of late. Particularly today. I am probably going to struggle with exactly how to articulate something important to me but that has been illuminated for me recently without sounding strange.

I have had the privilege of making an online friend of a fellow giftie who met me intensity for intensity over emails for slightly over 2 months. I know that we let our emotional selves have free expression as we discussed events from our childhoods, the loves of our lives, the current dearth of real life friendships who can withstand our emotional highs and lows. Not all of our conversations were happy ones, and in fact, there were quite a few that were quite when one or both of us were at an emotional low point (some sadness and anger too). But all of the conversations made me feel "alive" in a way that I haven't for quite some time (that's the sad reality of being a gifted stay at home mom - no matter how many blogs I create or how many projects I try to do with the kids, I still require a lot of intellectual stimulation and more importantly respectful FEEDBACK for my thoughts).

I found something curious had happened during that 2 month span of time - many of my OEs were triggered. The ideas generated in our conversation created a cascade of creativity in me (I wrote 51 blog posts on my blog in that 2 month span). Because my intellectual OEs and emotional OEs were stimulated, I also found my sensual OEs increasing as well (I was feeling so "high" in the intellectual/emotional area and so it bled over to the sensual area as well). I found that I was craving more physical touch with my husband too. It was a very interesting phenomenon.

Our conversations online have been fewer and further between due to responsibilities of life. And so, as a result, the intensity of course is now tempered now that there is nothing to stimulate it. It feels very much like being temporarily lobotomized. Even my writing has significantly decreased because I have nothing I'm passionate (either positively or negatively) about.

It's really a frustrating feeling to not have an outlet for the full range of feelings. While I don't like feeling totally miserable at the time I'm feeling miserable, I realize it is far better to go to the depths of despair and the heights of elation than to live life emotionally one sided.

I'm a part of a gentle parenting board that encourages parents to adopt the mantra "happy is not the only acceptable emotion". It helps to keep that in mind when parenting kids and for our own emotional states.

sciencemama wrote:

I found something curious had happened during that 2 month span of time - many of my OEs were triggered. The ideas generated in our conversation created a cascade of creativity in me (I wrote 51 blog posts on my blog in that 2 month span). Because my intellectual OEs and emotional OEs were stimulated, I also found my sensual OEs increasing as well (I was feeling so "high" in the intellectual/emotional area and so it bled over to the sensual area as well). I found that I was craving more physical touch with my husband too. It was a very interesting phenomenon.

Our conversations online have been fewer and further between due to responsibilities of life. And so, as a result, the intensity of course is now tempered now that there is nothing to stimulate it. It feels very much like being temporarily lobotomized. Even my writing has significantly decreased because I have nothing I'm passionate (either positively or negatively) about.

I'm so glad you mentioned this point, because I had been musing on something similar. It's easy for me to quote the textbooks and say that the different areas of our brains thrive on stimulation and atrophy with no stimulation. But I often forget that that stimulation needs to be in a wide variety of areas and especially of emotions for me to operate at my best. I'm able to write only when I've recently been happy, sad, angry -- something. Emotional dullness is my kryptonite. Comfortably numb is death. I understand the need to feel something. I deliberately watch TV that will provoke me, listen to music that will bring me down. I do shy away from some things, odd things, like the embarrassment of others, needless guilt, etc. But violence, joy and grief are equal partners even in my reading.

iconoclast wrote:


I'm so glad you mentioned this point, because I had been musing on something similar. It's easy for me to quote the textbooks and say that the different areas of our brains thrive on stimulation and atrophy with no stimulation. But I often forget that that stimulation needs to be in a wide variety of areas and especially of emotions for me to operate at my best. I'm able to write only when I've recently been happy, sad, angry -- something. Emotional dullness is my kryptonite. Comfortably numb is death. I understand the need to feel something. I deliberately watch TV that will provoke me, listen to music that will bring me down. I do shy away from some things, odd things, like the embarrassment of others, needless guilt, etc. But violence, joy and grief are equal partners even in my reading.

It feels really good to have this concept understood, doesn't it? My friend and I talked at length about this and it became evident to me that most people don't feel that way. Try to share these concepts with just anyone and you are looked at like you have three heads. It's a bit difficult to articulate this to someone who doesn't have the concept of having that extremely high need for stimulation.

My friend and I talked about many different aspects of OEs, but of particular importance to both of us was emotional/sensual. Of course the intellectual was ever present, but we were more driven by the emotional/sensual. Because he was formerly in law enforcement, and I was in forensics, we even talked about the dark, violent side of human nature. It was very interesting how fascinating we found some of the subjects most people would stay away from. As an very minor but telling detail, we both found comfort in reading Stephen King growing up. It really didn't come as much of a surprise to me though. It was one of many of the things we had in common.

It was also very evident to both of us that it is almost near impossible to find another individual who is is like this very much willing to explore those concepts. It really was great to find someone with the time and interest in discussing it with me.

sciencemama wrote:
I still require a lot of intellectual stimulation and more importantly respectful FEEDBACK for my thoughts).

--I really appreciate your honesty and ability to articulate this complex subject, sciencemama (and of course thanks to Icon for starting the thread!)

Sooner rather than later I have to pull the plug on my participation in groups/relationships where blandness reigns supreme (like the equivalent of a khaki Dockers-and-plain blue button-down mind...where any evidence of thinking outside the box/the grey cubicle/middle-class suburbia sets off alarm systems...)

One of the things I realized about my former marriage is that I need to be with someone who will *sing along with me* in the car (for example,) instead of throwing a control-freak, mini-fit of pique whenever I display depths of passion or talent which he can't share.

I totally agree w/you on respectful feedback as a criteria for any kind of elective long-term relationship--and for me, that includes respect for my feelings...(Why should we even have to specifically articulate that?? ) Better yet, why do some think that relationships work well *without* respect, or rather with the dominant/submissive paradigm...(Rhetorical question of course.)


Because my intellectual OEs and emotional OEs were stimulated, I also found my sensual OEs increasing as well (I was feeling so "high" in the intellectual/emotional area and so it bled over to the sensual area as well). I found that I was craving more physical touch with my husband too.

--Well you're a braver woman than I to admit it in a forum, LOL. But yeah...people wonder why (to quote BB King) "The Thrill Is Gone" from intimate relationships which are no longer intimate in the intellectual/emotional sense! DUH! It is also said that for women, stimulation is *mostly* centered in the mind and emotions.

I suspect that this is one key reason why, for the Mundane Mainstream, stimulating thoughts and feelings are so often discouraged or avoided... Intensity might lead to spiritedness, creativity, activity as opposed to passivity...even to change in the status quo--heaven forbid...LOL. Certainly it's said that people are easier to control if they're passive and miserable, etc.


It's really a frustrating feeling to not have an outlet for the full range of feelings. While I don't like feeling totally miserable at the time I'm feeling miserable, I realize it is far better to go to the depths of despair and the heights of elation than to live life emotionally one sided.

--And this is part of what drives so many people to forums, ha ha--So many First World societies have been conditioned to believe that feeling "bad" etc. is shameful or somehow maladaptive

No doubt there are times and places for Game Faces, but when that Fake Face becomes Priority No. 1, we cannot help but lose our authentic selves. How, then can we live with integrity and authenticity...?

[i]I'm a part of a gentle parenting board that encourages parents to adopt the mantra "happy is not the only acceptable emotion". It helps to keep that in mind when parenting kids and for our own emotional states.[/quote[/i]]

--JMHO that for most people, others' negative emotions are mostly an irritating inconvenience...It takes time and energy to roll with someone else's emotions in the moment, as any caregiver knows. Although I know that one aspect of maturity is the ability to defer "letting go" of emotional control until the appropriate time and place, there is also the danger of *never* letting go--if it comes to be seen that the negative emotions are, in themselves, inappropriate--as opposed to the way, place, or time, in which they are expressed being more or less beneficial.

spiritj wrote:
sciencemama wrote:
I still require a lot of intellectual stimulation and more importantly respectful FEEDBACK for my thoughts).

--I really appreciate your honesty and ability to articulate this complex subject, sciencemama (and of course thanks to Icon for starting the thread!)

I find that honesty has served me well and I'm willing to take calculated risks as to when I feel my honesty would be appreciated. I feel the MGL members so far have proven to be well receptive to honesty. Besides there is so much more opportunity for others to come forward and express themselves a little more fully and we all benefit from seeing that we aren't alone in our perceptions

Sooner rather than later I have to pull the plug on my participation in groups/relationships where blandness reigns supreme (like the equivalent of a khaki Dockers-and-plain blue button-down mind...where any evidence of thinking outside the box/the grey cubicle/middle-class suburbia sets off alarm systems...)

I find this to be sad, but all too true. I've pulled back considerably on unfruitful friendships
One of the things I realized about my former marriage is that I need to be with someone who will *sing along with me* in the car (for example,) instead of throwing a control-freak, mini-fit of pique whenever I display depths of passion or talent which he can't share.

I love this. I decided to go out with my dh way back when because of his enthusiastic rendition of "Baby Got Back" way back in the 90s. His ability to sing aloud, impersonate movie characters and be silly drew me to him. I must say though I simply had to draw the line when he started talking like Karl from Sling Blade during some very intimate moments. I could not continue with it until he stopped.

I totally agree w/you on respectful feedback as a criteria for any kind of elective long-term relationship--and for me, that includes respect for my feelings...(Why should we even have to specifically articulate that?? ) Better yet, why do some think that relationships work well *without* respect, or rather with the dominant/submissive paradigm...(Rhetorical question of course.)


Because my intellectual OEs and emotional OEs were stimulated, I also found my sensual OEs increasing as well (I was feeling so "high" in the intellectual/emotional area and so it bled over to the sensual area as well). I found that I was craving more physical touch with my husband too.

--Well you're a braver woman than I to admit it in a forum, LOL. But yeah...people wonder why (to quote BB King) "The Thrill Is Gone" from intimate relationships which are no longer intimate in the intellectual/emotional sense! DUH! It is also said that for women, stimulation is *mostly* centered in the mind and emotions.

It has less to do about bravery and simply how I need to operate. I can't learn unless I am honest and present what I feel is important to me accurately to see what kind of feedback it elicits. Besides, I used to testify against some really slimy defense attorneys so nobody in a forum could ever make me feel that uncomfortable.

See, I find candor about ALL aspects of OEs to be important. I really don't have any clue what anyone else feels about certain things unless I ask difficult questions

I suspect that this is one key reason why, for the Mundane Mainstream, stimulating thoughts and feelings are so often discouraged or avoided... Intensity might lead to spiritedness, creativity, activity as opposed to passivity...even to change in the status quo--heaven forbid...LOL. Certainly it's said that people are easier to control if they're passive and miserable, etc.

I agree completely

It's really a frustrating feeling to not have an outlet for the full range of feelings. While I don't like feeling totally miserable at the time I'm feeling miserable, I realize it is far better to go to the depths of despair and the heights of elation than to live life emotionally one sided.

--And this is part of what drives so many people to forums, ha ha--So many First World societies have been conditioned to believe that feeling "bad" etc. is shameful or somehow maladaptive

Yep. I prefer forums because I can be who I am here and people still like me and want to hang around with me

No doubt there are times and places for Game Faces, but when that Fake Face becomes Priority No. 1, we cannot help but lose our authentic selves. How, then can we live with integrity and authenticity...?

I can't live unauthentically. I wouldn't even know how to fake it. I'm not a good actress that way. I've never dumbed down, allowed too much oppression from my family, or for that matter pretended to be smarter than I am.

[i]I'm a part of a gentle parenting board that encourages parents to adopt the mantra "happy is not the only acceptable emotion". It helps to keep that in mind when parenting kids and for our own emotional states.[/quote[/i]]

--JMHO that for most people, others' negative emotions are mostly an irritating inconvenience...It takes time and energy to roll with someone else's emotions in the moment, as any caregiver knows. And for as much as I know NOW, it was hard for a while and I still find this hard. I'm learning though. It's harder to accept my dh's negative emotions because I lived with an stone-walling, alcholic step-father. It's hard to see dh come home stressed and on edge and hard not to take it personally. We both are working on that Although I know that one aspect of maturity is the ability to defer "letting go" of emotional control until the appropriate time and place, there is also the danger of *never* letting go--if it comes to be seen that the negative emotions are, in themselves, inappropriate--as opposed to the way, place, or time, in which they are expressed being more or less beneficial.

Thanks so much for the input on this topic. It is good to thresh this out with others.